Sunday, 1 March 2009

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

My God, Kevin Smith is a hack.

Don't get me wrong. I've been a big fan of the guy in the past. Some of his films are classics. But, unfortunately, it's been a while. I could go on about my love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith, but I would just be re-hashing what I wrote about it on my other blog. Go here to read it, if you are interested. I know you are.

Anywho...this one could have been decent. He basically watched every Judd Apatow film from the past few years and hired those actors. Nice start. The plot about a couple of friends who decide to make a low-budget porno with some folks in the neighborhood guaranteed an ample supply of dick and fart jokes. A Kevin Smith staple.

So what went wrong?

Just about everything went wrong.

It just wasn't funny enough. And the stuff that was sorta funny was telegraphed from a mile away. Brandon Routh's character was gay? Who saw that coming? Jeff Anderson getting shit on? Wow...that really took me for a loop. I mean the actress said she was constipated and how that was good for anal sex because it relaxes her. And then Anderson sets himself up directly under the couple while they are doing the chocolate deed. Even warns them to watch it when they pull out. But I just had no idea that Kevin Smith was gonna go there! Genius! And please, please, please show us Jason Mewes dick. Please Kevin?

That being said, I still laughed a few times during the first half of the film. Mostly at/with Craig Robinson who is the absolute shit in everything he does. But the second half of the film felt like waiting for the paint to dry. It. Was. Awful. As much as I loved most of Chasing Amy, I just don't think that Kevin Smith has it in him to write a decent romance.

Feh.

Don't waste your time on this lame-ass waste of talent.

Go rent The Moguls instead. Basically the same without the "it's been done a million times before" romance between the two leads in this one. And pray that Kevin Smith either starts making movies like he used to or that he retires. I think I would be fine with either outcome.

7 comments:

badgerdaddy said...

I only saw The Moguls recently - really enjoyed it, too. I shall avoid this on your say-so. And Southland Tales, even though Miranda Richardson usually rocks.

Avitable said...

I saw Zack and Miri in theaters and I really enjoyed the first 2/3rds. After that, though, it was like he didn't know how to end it, so here's some deus ex machina.

I think he can write romance, though, because I really loved the sex scene shot between Zack and Miri - that was an outstanding scene.

B.E. Earl said...

badger - This wasn't on the same level of bad as Southland Tales was, but still pretty bad.

Avitable - The sex scene was pretty decent, but the romance and interaction between the two leads was so unbelievable afterwards. That is what lead me to write that. It was obvious, even to them, how much they loved each other. Yet Zack goes into the room with Stacy to "have sex", Miri doesn't tell Stacy her feelings, Zack doesn't tell Miri that he didn't fuck Stacy, blah blah blah blah blah...3 months pass. Sorry...that all had me groaning. It was the last 20+ minutes of Chasing Amy all over again. And that shit almost ruined that whole movie for me.

Feh again.

Slyde said...

this is disspointing... its been on my "have to download" list for months now..

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde - we've disagreed before. You really like Clerks II, so you may like this one as well.

Avitable said...

Slyde, I loved Clerks II almost as much as the first one, and I thought the cliched over-the-top reaction that takes place for the last third of Zack and Miri was painful, too. So just have low expectations!

Mr. Poopie said...

I whole-heartedly agree with your assessment. Just a damn shame I didn't read this before renting it. I'm going to stab whoever recommended it right in face.