Cyborg 2

OK. I'm not sure if this is what Badgerdaddy had in mind when he started this site. A 14 year-old film that was never released until it was shot straight to video in 1999. Six years after it was completed! Of course it's gonna suck! To what levels...well that is for you to decide. No wait! That is for ME to decide! I think I may be done using exclamation points for a little while. That last one hurt.

Let me start off by saying that I have a bit of a soft spot for the first Cyborg film starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. It had it all. He did splits and shit while duking it out with post-modern pirates in the desert after some kind of plague-induced holocaust or something. What's not to love? The plot was silly. JCVD must protect a cyborg with info on a cure for the plague on a trip to Atlanta (Atlanta?). Really it was just an excuse for him to do splits and shit. The kind of stuff his fans really wanted to see in 1989. I saw this one in the theaters when it came out, fact fans. Honestly.

The sequel doesn't seem to have a whole hell of a lot to do with the first one. Sure, there is this one dream sequence that references the first film with moon-lit shots of the Muscles from Brussels (hey...I didn't create the nickname). But it really could have ignored the original film altogether and it wouldn't have been any worse. It wouldn't have been any better either, but that is neither here nor there.

This version of the Cyborg is played by Angelina Jolie in her feature-film debut. An 18-year old Angelina Jolie, that is. Sure, she was in a movie with her dad back when she was a kid and she did a few short films for a friend of hers, but this was her first real starring role as listed on her IMDB page. I gotta say...she is pretty damn hot in this movie. Her acting is a bit robotic, but she is playing a cyborg. Ha...see what I did there? I made a funny. Erm.

Oh, and she gets naked in it.

There you go. If you wanna see a naked Angelina Jolie when she was 18 or so for a few seconds, then by all means watch Cyborg 2. If you can somehow get through life without that little bit of titillation (yeah...I went there again) then you are a better man/woman than I.

I can die a happy man now. All of a sudden I'm a little sleepy. Nite all.