Renegade

I love movies with names like this. RENEGADE! Sounds impressive, right? It was actually originally released under the name Blueberry (after the main character, Mike Blueberry), which is not nearly as macho as RENEGADE! Typing it all in capitals helps. Also when you read it you should say it in your mind like you are the announcer at a monster truck show. Now showing....RENEGADE! Oooh...even better with large type!

OK, enough about the name. Here are some reasons why I should have loved this film:

1. It's a Western. I love Westerns. The sight of a man in chaps riding a, er, um....did I just make this too personal?
2. It's a comic-book adaptation. I love comic-book adaptation. Except comic-book adaptations of Jean Gerard's work. He goes by the name of "Moebius" for you comic-book buffs out there (Slyde), and I've always had a problem with that. I mean if you can pick a name that is more effete or condescending than Jean Gerard, it would have to be Moebius. Besides, as Quentin Tarantino and Crimson Tide taught us, the Jack Kirby Silver Surfer is the only real Silver Surfer and the Moebius Silver Surfer is shit.
3. An incredible international cast: Vincent Cassel (Le Pacte des Loups), Djimon Hounsou (Amistad), Eddie Izzard (funniest man alive), Temuera Morrison (Once Were Warriors) and Michael Madsen. Now normally, I would gladly spend 2 hours watching ANY of these guys read from a phone book, but...
4. A completely naked and spread-eagled sequence of Juliette Lewis underwater. OK, I take that back...it was totally unnecessary. Lot a fur, people...lot o' fur.

And now for the reasons why I didn't love this movie:

1. It sucked.

Tres, tres disappointing. The whole film is told in flashback from the point of view of a man on a bad peyote (or ayahuesca) trip. And it was filmed just like that. The third act was almost unwatchable, and yet I did it for you, oh my readers and only friends. The mystical drug trip sequences were something straight out of H.P. Lovecraft. The words "eldritch" and "cosmic horror" kept creeping into my subconscious. And it was boring. Just really, really fucking dull.

Almost all of the talent in the film was entirely wasted. Vincent Cassel was just fine in the lead role. He was channeling a bit of Clint Eastwood as a Cajun-raised US Marshall keeping the peace between the town folk and the neighboring Native American tribe. Temuera Morrison was especially good as his best friend and guide to the spirit world. And Michael Madsen always lends a gleeful joy to his villainous roles. But Hounsou, Izzard and the rest of the cast were not given anything at all that they could work with.

So I can only recommend this turd if you really like confusing, dull, drug-fueled and kaleidoscope-like dream sequences. Or if you just miss having them on your own from back in the day.