Monday, 31 March 2008

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

A load of old cock. A confused, writhing mess that could have been at least an hour shorter. And this fucker runs at 2:41, including the credits – it's not so much to be enjoyed, as endured.

I can't even explain the plot; it's ridiculously complicated and full of so much flab I sat open-mouthed as I watched my life being wasted in a mess of computer-generated effects and meaningless dialogue.

There are hallucinations that mean and do nothing for the plot; are they supposed to add charm and wit? They don't.

Even the great Chow Yun-Fat is wasted in this, and that's not a sentence I type easily. It's 2:41 of absolute nonsense, start to finish. If I had seen this at the cinema, I would have been incredibly unhappy.

The first POTC was fun, and had a certain charm. The second was a soulless, but vaguely amusing romp. The third manages to wipe out any of the good the first two created and comes out looking just like a moneymaking exercise… Funny, that.

Johnny Depp was his usual fine self, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley brought a touch of, erm, woodenness to things. Geoffrey Rush is excellent, and I can't help but think he's the unsung hero of these movies. Such a superb actor, his Barbossa stand right out in this dross. The supporting cast are uniformly very good, working with such limited material really does make it obvious who's got talent and who has a pretty face and fuck-all else.

The cameo by Keith Richards is amusing-ish – until he sits and starts playing guitar, which is a bit… Stupid, I think is the word I'm looking for.

This movie made nearly $1bn worldwide; the series has made more like $2.5bn. With DVD sales and rentals on top of that, it's obviously been pretty profitable. It was marketed aggressively, and we got suckered in. My stepdaughter loved it, and she's probably the target market more than I – but Disney, it's me that buys the tickets. You have been warned.

A genuine waste of time.

9 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

I was thinking about watching this, then I tried to remember the second film and I couldn't.

So I think I'm gonna pass. Even with Chow Yun-Fat.

badgerdaddy said...

Do it.

lotus07 said...

The first one had some innovation to it, I pirated the second one off the internet, and almost gaged. I had not desire to see the third. I knew it would be a waste of money to just look at the posters, much less sit through the thing.

Elise said...

I've seen the trilogy... The last one was crap! I was really disappointed with it. xx

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I watched it, but I wouldn't do it again. However, I will watch the next one as well. In the theater, which means it will cost me at least 10 USD.

Globus said...

good post, boosted by the choice expletive. the first film was great, but as with many revenue-driven sequels, the rest have been relatively pants.

Letty Cruz said...

Thanks for the Tibet shout-out, fellow Virgo Monkey :)

Z said...

I thought the best thing about it was the bleakness of the ending. Keira Knightley condemned to one night's shagging every ten years (or however long) for the rest of her life and Orlando Bloom having to see her getting older while he stayed young and lovely gave both those uninteresting characters their come-uppance.

downtown guy said...

The only way the trilogy worked was if you think of it as a series of bedtime stories a woman tells her bastard son to explain why he hasn't got a father.

"Oh, your dad is a pirate king on a magic ship..."